I Am a Pig

I Am a Pig (sometimes referred to as a Hog, a small hog)

I am a Pig. I snort, much like you like to fart.

I enjoy wallowing in the cool mud to keep the heat off my bod.

I’m told that I am one of the smartest animals in the barnyard (I can sometimes open gates with my snout or burrow under electric wires – or thru them) and it’s true that I do have a big brain (compared to that of a chicken anyway, which is likely on the other end of the animal spectrum chart).

The kids on the farm love to come down in the mornings and “slop the hogs” and bust ripe pumpkins over my head. They think it’s funny and that I enjoy it. <not – headache>

Still, even though I am smart, I know that look in the human’s eyes as he is coming to kill me.

They slaughter me and chop me up into my basic pieces-parts: pork-chops, fatback, bacon, sausage, snout, pig’s feet – all the good parts of my body that make me what I am. “Everything but the squeal, they say.” (I make good ‘mustard based pork BBQ too.)

But it’s okay. I’ve come to accept my fate over time. After-all, where can I run? Where can I go? What kind of job could I get as a full-blown, over-weight farm beast in this condition that I’ve allowed myself to become?

There is some sort of solace in knowing that with every bite, the humans are clogging up their own internal digestive & heart bloodstreams. Good luck with that non-Kosher diet thing.

Maybe someday the pig will lay down with the horse and there will be peace on earth?

Prayer Breakfast

Perspective … A minister was attending a men’s breakfast.  He asked one of the older farmers in attendance to say the prayer that morning. The farmer began,

“Lord, I hate buttermilk.”

The pastor opened one eye and wondered to himself where this was going.

Then the farmer said, “Lord, I hate lard.”

Now the pastor was worried.  But the farmer prayed on,

“And Lord, you know I don’t care much for raw flour. ”

As the pastor was about to stop everything, the farmer continued,

“But Lord, when you mix ’em all together and bakes ’em up, I do love me those fresh biscuits.  So Lord, when things come up we don’t like, when life gets hard, when we just don’t understand what you are saying to us, we just need to relax and wait ’til You are done fixin’ and probably it will be something even better than biscuits.”

Amen

from JJ in Hendersonville, NC

A Little Ethnic Humor

from Harriet S. in James Island, SC:

JEWISH  MOTHER

The year is 2021 and the United States has elected the first woman as well is the first Jewish president, Susan Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says,
“So, Mom, assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”
“I don’t think so. It’s a ten hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up  again.”
“Don’t worry about it Mom, I’ll send Air  Force One to pick you up and take you home.
And a limousine will pick you  up at your door.”
“I don’t know. Everybody will be so  fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?”
Susan replies, “I’ll make sure you have a  wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York “
“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”
The  President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is going to  be handled by the best caterer in New York; Kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.”
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new President’s mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?”
The  Senator whispers back, “Yes, I do.”
Mom says proudly, “Her brother is a doctor.”
.
ITALIAN  MOTHER
.
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in  love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Mama,  I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m  going to marry.” The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful  women into the house, sits them down on the couch & they chat for a  while.  He then says, “Okay, Mama, guess which one I’m going to  marry?”
Mama says immediately, “The one on the  right.”
“That’s amazing, Mama. You’re right. How did you know?”
Mama replies: “I don’t like her.”
.
IRISH FATHER’S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON.
.
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink. Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.  
I got him a Guinness Stout.  He didn’t like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style, he didn’t like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.

May Day 2017

mayday1Today is May Day (May 1st). Do you know what it’s all about?

“May Day is a public holiday usually celebrated on May 1. It is an ancient northern hemisphere spring festival. It is also a traditional spring holiday in many cultures. Dances, singing, and cake are usually part of the celebrations that the day includes.

In the late 19th century, May Day was chosen as the date for International Workers’ Day by the Socialists and Communists of the Second International to commemorate the Haymarket affair in Chicago. International Workers’ Day may also be referred to as “May Day”, but it is a different celebration from the traditional May Day.

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maypole

Believe it or not, I’m now 70 years old and can still remember  times from my early childhood when we danced & played around the flagpole. Mostly children would take one of the colorful streamers attached to the top of the pole and dance in & out from each other to the beat of playful music.

We didn’t know what we were commemorating but we enjoyed it none-the-less.

Read more about May Day on Wikipedia by clicking here.